The Thin Line Between Intriguing And Creepy
David Tran | June 19, 2013
Nobody can argue that the internet has drastically changed the way get to know each other and how we get to know someone while dating. The term “blind date” is no longer relevant because nobody goes into a first date not knowing at least what the person looks like because of social media with the main offender being that of Facebook. I have a friend who I work with and they will not even considering hooking up with someone unless they can vet them on Facebook first. So if they don’t have Facebook she will write them off completely and if they have a limited profile then she’s immediately turned off, unless their profile picture is tantalizing enough to keep her intrigued. I’m a strong believer that mystery is your best friend when dating or hooking up someone. People want to learn more about things they don’t know about or fully understand, you have to keep them wanting more, you can’t give it all up right away because people get bored with each other and the longer you can prevent that the better. I’ve also been a believer that people are not defined by their past and its no indicator of who they are now. People learn from their past mistakes and that makes them who they are today, and that all that should matter. Imagine if before you dated someone you hired a private investigator to vet them and give you all the information about their past. Now that’s an obvious over exaggeration but its a good comparison. We should learn about a person from that person and let them educate us about themselves as they please instead of being invasive and knowing things about them when they don’t necessarily know that you are privy to.
Social media is like the forbidden fruit of the internet since its easily accessible and very tempting. If you can’t help yourself and you need to creep a potential date before you hook up with them in person just make sure before biting the apple that you make sure not to commit these internet stalking offenses.
Nobody wants to cross the line from being complimentary and flattering to invasive and creepy, unfortunately this is very easy to do with the constant temptation of using social media to find out as much about someone as possible. If they have an open profile then the person probably expects you to check them out a bit and wont get to creeped out by your inquiring, but don’t be too obvious. This person may just not be an experienced Facebook user so they don’t necessarily have any knowledge of the privacy setting on the site and if they don’t use Facebook frequently its easy to assume that if you do bring up a subject from their Facebook that this is going to scare them off. I would advise that you avoid making conversation by bringing up something they posted on there Facebook since this would just create questions for most people “How long did she spend creeping me?”, “Did she find that embarrassing photo of me?”, “Is she a full-blown internet stalker?”.
An even worse internet stalking offense would be to try to communicate with the person through social media before the first date has occurred. If you have communicated with someone through an online dating site and plan to hook up with them in person then leave it at that. If someone is using an online dating website then they have very strategically provide all the information they want to on their profile page, so don’t be invasive and try to get more dirt on them. Take it slow and get to know some one by hooking up in person and going on a date and having a conversation (for all you younger folks that’s when two people actually communicate while sitting across from each other in the same place with no keyboards involved)
The New Normal?
I always get hear the argument that “Who cares about creeping, everyone does it” Do they? Do we really want to live in a world where being intrusive and being a creep is the norm? Don’t we all want to maintain a level of mystery and suspense to keep our lives interesting? People are to damn impatient these days and have absolutely no self-control. Like I said before, social media is like the forbidden fruit. Its right there in front of you and you know you shouldn’t use it but you want to and it would be so easy to just do a quick Google search and satisfy your curiosity. Take my advise and practice self-control and get to know someone by having them tell you about themselves and it will be so much more satisfying in the end.